On the way into work today after little sleep and finding myself in a very contemplative mood, I started thinking about songs and lyrics and their impact on my life. There are certain songs that I associate with certain people and with certain events, and certain lyrics which have always stuck with me, such as the lyric in the title. It's an amazing Andrew McMahon creation from the Something Corporate song Only Ashes. Anyway, the point here is that this mood made me take a little trip down musical memory lane, and if you have any interest you can walk down it with me.
The first time I was supposed to sing in front of people I panicked. I was in Kindergarten, and I was supposed to sing "If We Hold On Together" from The Land Before Time. I panicked and ran from the room. To this day that moment has stuck with me, and though I continue to love that song it always makes me feel a little pang. I never did perform that one as a solo.
Fast forward to one of my first actual performances. I was all dolled up in a Marilyn Monroe wig, pink dress and gloves, and I sang the first verse of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" then bolted from the room and cried in the bathroom for about ten minutes. That's another one I've never attempted to perform in public again.
Then there's "On My Own" from Les Miserables. I went to my very first international competition hoping to rock that song. I wore a trench coat and a page boy hat trying to look like Eponine and succeeded only in looking like a ragamuffin and staring at my feet. For some reason this song stuck with me like the other two didn't, and years later but not that far from where I had originally performed it I chose to sing it again. The second time I had the force of a whole lot more experience and a whole hell of a lot more practice behind it, and I took second place. Because of that, that particular song will always stick with me.
Then there's the songs I haven't sung, but have had an impact on my life nonetheless. I still remember the first time I heard my hero (yes, I said hero, and I mean it) Josh Gorban sing and really paid attention. I had heard him in passing before, but one day in the backseat of my sister's car on the U campus I heard him sing 'fly me up to where you are, beyond a distant star' and I completely fell in love. I insisted that we buy the CD as soon as possible and thus began my enduring love affair with the music of Josh Groban.
The first time I got to hear the Josh live was when he was in Utah on his closer tour. A friend's dad got us tickets, something which I will always be eternally grateful for, and the moment he started singing "Oceano" I started to cry. I'll never live that down but it was so amazing that I can't be ashamed of it. I also cried the first time I heard "You Are Loved" and when I heard "You Raise Me Up" I knew it would be a huge part of my life; and it became my Honored Queen's Song when I was the HQ at Bethel #7, JDI. Then when the With You compilation album came out I heard the lyrics that I still maintain are some of the most beautiful words ever written: 'Then I saw your face across the street, and my heart was home again."
Of course there were songs and lyrics that had a less lasting and less profound impact on my world, particularly as a teenager. I once sat on a bunk bed at Mill Hollow with my hair in braids under a head scarf and claimed that "Gone" by NSYNC was the most beautiful song ever :) I also thought I would dance to "This I Promise You" at my wedding and let me tell you that has changed.
(I loved them so much but sometimes I look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking :) )
When Dark Angel came out the song "Tonight and the Rest of My Life" by Nina Gordon invaded my world and became the center of it's orbit. I wrote the lyrics in my diary because I thought I needed to have some sort of concrete proof that it existed. As it turns out it's etched permanently into my memory.
"Popular" from Wicked will always mean a lot to me. This was probably the song that solidified for me that I was capable of really and truly performing. It let me know that I could actually act my way out of a paper bag, and that maybe my dreams were at least vaguely attainable. After all, everyone loves a ham right? Right? :)
RENT, well that's just the whole musical that's impacted my life really. But I heard the words no day but today and something in my soul just sang, as completely lame as that sounds. One day soon those words will find a permanent place on my body with my other tattoos and piercings :)
"Good Morning Baltimore" will always hold a special place in my heart as the first song I ever heard at a real live Broadway show. It was amazing, even if I did cry like a tool during one of the happiest songs in the musical :)
I first discovered John Barrowman on Torchwood, and the first time I saw something about his singing career I was like, great the actor thinks he can sing. Turns out he was singing long before he was acting on television. The very first time I ever heard "I Know Him So Well" it was John Barrowman and Daniel Boys' version. Normally it would have been sung by two women, but this version in my book is so much better; not just because John and Danny are truly amazing singers, but also because it's unabashedly about a different kind of love than what we usually hear in music, and the bravery and soul there is just spectacular.
Then there's Glee. Insert contented sigh here. Glee has quite literally changed my life. Sound stupid? Well maybe, but I can honestly tell you that nothing else on the planet other than getting a chance to perform with Josh Groban would have motivated me to put a video of myself singing on the internet for the entire world to see. Not to mention, this show is responsible for the musical literacy of an entire generation. Without Glee I can guarantee you that I would never have ended up walking around singing Journey, REO Speedwagon, Madonna, Queen and Neil Diamond at the top of my lungs.
Then there's the songs and artists that always make me think of certain people. My Grandpa always sings "Hang Down Your Head Tom Dooley" and I can telly you for sure that it will always make me think of him. Jim Reeves makes me think of my Grandma without fail, and Eric Clapton and James Taylor both scream Daddy. Bridge Over Troubled Water always makes me think of my mom, and "Hanging By A Moment" always makes me think of Sarah.
There are lyrics and songs that make me giggle and some that make me poignantly sad. I laugh myself half to death whenever I hear My Sharona because it makes me think of Kelsie every time, and anything by John Allred makes me think of Rach and Darsh. "Promiscuous" by Nelly Furtado and Timbaland is like Mica and I's anthem mainly due to the line 'I want you on my team. So does everybody else." :) The songs "Ruthless" by Something Corporate always makes me think of someone I tried and failed at not wanting for a long time during my younger days, and "Don't Laugh at Me" makes me think of an old friend and how we sang it in front of an auditorium full of people and managed to make almost everyone cry.
Then there's "For Good." I've sung this song dozens of times, won prizes with it, and yet the message is always what matters. I once sang it with all of my closest friends sitting at a table together mere feet away, and when I got to 'you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart' I had to look away, because bursting into tears in the middle of a performance is never a good idea, now matter how genuine they are. :)
All of these are only a fraction of the songs, artists, lyrics etc that have played a part in my life. And though I'm sure this seems like an awful lot, there will always be more. For me music is like life, singing something akin to breathing, and so it will always be; corny though it may seem.
Song of the Moment: Only Ashes by Something Corporate
